Category Archives: w/r/t pop culture

Apr 21 2012

what i learned from the (real) three stooges

Like many other things I still enjoy today, my love of The Three Stooges was passed down to me from my dad. My brother, sister and I are probably among a very select group of thirty-somethings who can – and do – quote Stooges shorts at length. We had a videocassette – made by a friend of mine from his uncle’s rather prodigious LaserDisc collection(1) – that was about six hours of Stooges shorts that we would gather around in the way that other families might gather around Little House on the Prairie or Lassie.(2)

I learned a lot from the Stooges over the years, which is why I will not be going to see the new movie. Let me put it this way: think back to your favorite teacher in school. Now imagine learning that same material from someone else after you’ve already learned it from him or her.

Exactly.

Before we get to what I’ve learned, though, let’s address something: When people talk about The Three Stooges – especially in their classic configuration of Larry, Curly and Moe – they mostly talk about the so-called violence. Let’s skip over the part in which, in our post-Tarantino world, we really have no right to talk about excessive violence of any other time or medium. Instead, let’s remember that the Stooges started in the 1920s as a vaudeville act(3) and, typical of such, physical comedy was a large component of the act. In fact, performing comedy on a stage for a large audience almost requires physical comedy, and, like anything performed on stage, also requires exaggeration. So the comedy was not only physical, but by nature of the vaudeville medium, was excessively so. Once you take that act and train a camera on it, it will most certainly seem to shift from physical comedy to violence. But it is not violence; it is merely physical comedy.

There’s so much more I learned from The Three Stooges, things so important to me that they inform my everyday choices. And so important that I was honestly shocked when I first heard people talk about the violence of Stooges shorts. I thought, “That’s what you take away from the Stooges? How sad for you.”

Here’s what I learned from The Three Stooges.

Lesson One: Silliness in the Face of Reality

This video a about four minutes long, but you only need to watch the first twenty seconds of it to get my point.

I learned from Curly a lesson that would be reinforced years later first by Roger Rabbit and then by our current comedic geniuses Paul Rudd and Will Farrell: never – never – underestimate the importance of being just plain silly. In the clip above, when the waiter sets the bottle in front of Curly, it’s not enough for Curly just to open it and enjoy the drink. First he has to express his surprise, and then he has to do one of his trademark handjives. There is no reason for it whatsoever. Its only purpose is simple silliness. Curly, the character, is not trying to impress anyone. Instead, he is merely expressing the joy he feels as he’s about to enjoy a tasty cold beverage. It’s a beautiful moment, and reminds me of Ashley, who actually does something I call her ‘happy food dance’ just because she’s excited to eat whatever we’re about to eat for dinner. Which, if you’re paying attention, means that yes, there is something of my love for Curly in my love for Ashley.

Lesson Two: Honesty in the Face of Calamity

Skip to about minute 2:15 and watch until about 2:40 of this video.

Curly is just about the goofiest, clumsiest, weirdest person ever. He is overweight, shaves his head, and has what some would think is an annoying voice. He views barking at inanimate objects as a valid strategy to best them in a fight. He gets into fights with inanimate objects. And often loses. Nevertheless, he doesn’t pass up the chance to flirt with the nurse. And even when that doesn’t go as planned, and even after he looks ridiculous in a gas mask, he still thinks a pretty woman might be interested in him and doesn’t hesitate to let her know that he would be equally interested. It’s neither arrogance or ignorance. It’s simple honesty. It’s “This is who I am; if you’re cool with that I’m cool with you.” If only everyone could be like that – goofy or otherwise – the world’s collective pulse rate would be much, much lower.

Lesson Three: Witty Wordplay in the Face of Adversity

This clip’s only about a minute long and you’ll need to watch the whole thing. Also, I like that the person who posted says it’s his or her favorite Stooges moment ever. It’s pretty high on my list, too.

I have no idea where Moe and Larry got their press badges, but it’s pretty obvious that Curly yanked his Pull lever from a toilet. Why didn’t he grab a press badge from wherever Moe and Larry got theirs? You might think that maybe they could only find two. I like to think that Curly just wanted to be goofy, but at the same time to kind of stick to the man in his own silly way. He might have been able to hold the lever up and still say “Press” and maybe get away with it. But instead he actually says “Pull” and then makes sure the guy knows he’s being put on. Awesome. If you’re going to make fun of the establishment, make sure they know you’re making fun of them. Then run like hell.

Lesson Four: Follow Directions, Even When You Don’t Know What’s Going On.

This is the longest clip I’ll foist upon you. This is from what might be my favorite Stooges short, so I’d encourage you to watch the whole thing. But you really only need to watch from about :15 to about the 1:00 mark.

When Larry tells Curly to shave some ice, Curly has no idea that he wants him to chip off slivers of ice so they can make a dessert called, appropriately, shaved ice. Nevertheless, Curly follows the directions as he understands them. In fact, Moe is doing exactly the same thing. In this short, they’ve been promised money if they can prepare a birthday dinner, and prepare a birthday dinner they shall. The fact that they don’t know what they’re doing doesn’t matter. If you watched the whole clip, you’ll see more evidence of this. (I particularly like how Curly dices the potatoes and even pretends he got a lucky roll.) This notion got me first through algebra, then geometry. I had no idea how any of it worked, but I followed instructions and got As and Bs. It has gotten me through far more adverse situations as well, the idea being that if you pretend you know what you’re doing, people will assume you know what you’re doing. Hopefully at some point you figure out what you’re doing – which of course the Stooges rarely do. But if you don’t, just follow instructions to the best of your understanding. And for God’s sake, if you’re told to shave some ice, make sure you make conversation with the ice. Otherwise you’re just being rude.

  1. LaserDiscs were these LP-sized video discs that were just terrible to watch. If a person sneezed like two towns over the disc would skip. Imagine listening to a record player in the car whilst driving down a recently firebombed street. They were that bad. You know how some people say that vinyl provides a better listening experience than CDs or MP3s or anything else? No one has ever said anything similar about LaserDiscs. No one. Ever.
  2. My brother and I have a shared experience in which, some time after we moved out of our parents’ house, we learned that not everyone was raised on the Stooges. He once talked about quoting lines from a short and no one knowing what he was talking about. It happened to me, too. Still does, in fact.
  3. They were originally called Ted Healy and His Stooges.
Jul 25 2011

why you gotta be so mean?

Let’s say, for example, that you’re a rather young country-pop(1) star who in relatively short-order has become an incredibly big star. As in like pretty much everybody knows your name. They toss it out over the dinner table maybe. Talk about you as though they know you. You’re like, what, 19? Incredibly young to be a so-called household name. But you’ve worked hard to get where you are and, well, a) there have been far younger people way more famous than you currently are(2) and b) there’s generally no sense that you don’t deserve the accolades you’re given.

In short, you’re talked about by the masses and the masses generally don’t have anything terrible to say.

Oh and speaking of accolades here you are: standing on a stage, looking incredibly beautiful in a lovely gown that maybe some designer asked you to wear. Gave it to you for free. That’s how big your name is already. At like 19. And here you are, in a moment that is a personal achievement for you. You’re on this stage under all these lights surrounded by nothing but heartbreakingly beautiful people who are clapping for you, applauding you for being recognized for making something better than what they’ve made. It’s one thing to be lauded, you know, and a whole different monster to be lauded by your competition.

And speaking of monsters, here’s one climbing out of the audience. You’ve barely begun to talk. You’ve had just about enough time to mention how shocked you are that you even won this award. You, after all, while being at least partially a pop star can in no way at this point rid yourself of the country part of what you do. Nor do you want to. But this is MTV, so country-unfriendly that country music had to start its own music-video network. This is why you’re there expressing surprise.

So then now here’s this monster climbing out of the audience. He’s coming right toward you. You’re relatively young and in a mind-rending amount of shock and élan and so when he holds his hand out for your microphone you just give it to him. He’s been around longer than you and maybe it’s your inexperience that has you completing that fateful gesture. Part of you knows better, knows that this is one of the best things that’s ever been yours. But you’re a nice girl. It’s part of why you’re here; your image is just about as pure as it can get. So you give him the mike.

And he does about the meanest thing anyone’s ever done in the history of award shows, to say nothing of your life to this point.

You reel from it. The sting. He doesn’t even directly say anything bad about you. Just very publicly and rudely tosses out his own opinion. Just does pretty much what he’s known for doing. But still. It stings. It hurts. You cry later on because he stole forever one beautiful moment from you. And that’s pretty much all you’re after, the beautiful moments.(3)

But so here you are in a horrible moment. Of pain. Embarrassment. Tragedy. And maybe anger too. So you do what you always do: you write a song about it.

This, I submit to you, is where Taylor Swift’s song “Mean” comes from, though she has said that she’ll never tell us who her songs are about. I could actually be wrong but to be honest it doesn’t matter that much. I just wanted to provide a possible reason why Ms. Swift herself then says about the cruelest thing I can think of.

In this song, just before the series of outro-choruses(4) she calls the person that the song is addressing a liar. She calls him pathetic. And then she says he’s “alone in life.” This is, to me, incredibly mean. More mean, in fact, than what Mr. West did.

I think loneliness is the cornerstone of modern American life. It’s why we desperately seek entertainment. We either want to escape our loneliness or we want simulated friends who we can more-or-less rely upon to show up once per week on schedule. People don’t watch shows about friends because they have plenty of their own to interact with. Who doesn’t wish they had a Central Perk to go to. Or its contemporary version, MacLaren’s. Where everybody knows your name. Look at the number modern sitcoms that have a place, a locale. A gathering-spot. We on the outside of the boob-tube(5) haven’t anywhere to go, or at least nowhere as engaging. So we sit in our living rooms and go there through our TVs.

Because we’re lonely. Because entertainment is so often like candy: you can consume it, sure, but it’s not good for your system and eventually will cause serious problems.

The problem in this case being that we lose the basic skills required to seek out new people. To eradicate our own loneliness. Instead we seek out new shows, new entertainment. We sate our hunger with more candy.

The problem with candy is that it solves the immediate issue, viz, being hungry, while masking larger needs. Modern entertainment does exactly the same thing.(6) Because you can go to MacLarens’ every non-summer Monday(7) night you may not be aware of how lonely you are.

And this is why Ms. Swift’s accusation is more than just mean. It’s mean-spirited. What Mr. West did was horrible, but it wasn’t directed at Ms. Swift. Like everything else he does, it was about him. Ms. Swift just happened to be part of it.

But and so telling someone they’re alone in life is mean-spirited. It is directed at that person in no ambiguous way. It is intended to cause harm. And in this case is a bit nefarious as well, which I’ll get to in a minute. If someone told you you’re alone in life, part of your overly entertained American brain will know she’s right. You can convince yourself all you want that candy stops you from being hungry but at the end of the day you’ll want something more. Sustenance, it’s called, from the same root as sustain. Because entertainment, like candy, can’t sustain us in any real, viable way. And we all know it.

So to tell someone they’re alone in life is to awaken their personal suspicion that they are, in fact, terribly lonely. That maybe pretty much all the attention-getting things they’ve foisted upon the populace, that the fame they so desperately need, is all to sate some horrible, monstrous loneliness.

But – and here’s the nefarious part – the phrase that awakens the monster can also put it right back to sleep. Especially if you’re an entertainer. You’re part of the system of loneliness on both sides of the cycle. You’re personality is part of what got you here. People expect you to be a certain way. To change that – to actually uncover whether or not you’re lonely and then to do something as altering as to do something about it – will quite possibly remove you from the public’s trust. You are, after all, candy. So it’s incredibly easy to say that well if you’re alone in life then so be it. Because everybody knows your name.

So in one simple line she gives the addressee both reason to suspect he’s extravagantly lonely and the reason to go on ignoring it. This is why it’s so mean: giving someone cause to change and an excuse not to. I can hardly think of anything more mean.

  1. Or country/pop. Or pop-country. Or pop/country.
  2. And you have zero intention of ending up in the same rehab facility as they all seem to end up.
  3. Except that of course your music – and hence your career and the whole reason you were up there in the first place to even give him a chance to be so mean – is built upon the non-beautiful moments of your life. Everything you create – honest as itmay or may not be – rests on a moment of pain from some point in your life. The great paradoxical truth is that while making music makes you incredibly happy you wouldn’t be able to write your music if you weren’t incredibly sad. You want to be loved – literally loved, by someone to whom you give your heart – but if he doesn’t break it your career may very well be over.
  4. Chori?
  5. This phrase really needs updated to HD.
  6. I don’t mean to say that all entertainment is bad. In fact, entertainment itself isn’t really all that terrible. It’s America’s incredibly voracious need for that’s alarming.
  7. Or really pretty much whenever you like now thanks to Netflix, Hulu and other online sources.
Jul 14 2011

harry potter and the amazing anticipation of endings

Not since Revenge of the Sith have so many people been so wildly excited to catch the final chapter of a story of which they already know the outcome.

The end begins...four years ago.

I love the Harry Potter books. I cried when Dumbledore died. Even the second time I read it.(1) The day the final book came out I carved out all kinds of time and read it in about a day. It’s a great story told by a great storyteller who, above all else, really and truly cares for and loves her characters with deep affection.(2)

But the movies? Meh. The first two were made for kids – and badly.(3) The third was directed by Senor Y tu mama tambien, a movie I loathe with every fiber of my being, and he made Harry Potter in its own sub-par image.

I loved the fourth one, though. It was well-paced and expertly acted(4), and I felt as immensely sad and afraid at the end of that one as I did when I first read the book.

I gave up after the fifth one because, well, as Meatloaf might put it: One out of five ain’t good.

Nevertheless, if you love the Potter flicks and have been looking bittersweetly forward to this day for a year now, I hope you love it.

But don’t spoil the endi…nevermind.

  1. Probably overshot the mark to add a spoiler alert.

  2. Before it came out I was certain that Hermione would die simply because authors love to kill off their favorite characters. I was half-right. I misjudged which was Ms. Rowling’s favorite character.

  3. But I didn’t expect much from the Home Alone guy.

  4. Though, truly, there’s not been a shoddy actor in any of the movies. They’ve just have bad luck w/r/t directors.
May 20 2011

rapture resolution

And so then I realized that if this whole rapture thing happens tomorrow as some have suggested that it will, I’ll pretty much have no idea if it did because almost everyone I know will still be around.

Not that my friends are horrible people by any stretch. It’s just that most of my friend aren’t Christians(1), or at least aren’t strictlyChristian. Ashley, for example, carries a set of beliefs that cross the boundaries of about a dozen religions. So even though these are pleasant, decent, good people, the Christian God will pass them over, not let them pass Go or collect $200.

Not pictured: Horsemen.

So, basically, I may never know if it happened.(2)

1.You tend to collect those around you who share your values I guess.
2.I do have two friends who are extremely Christian, even being founding member of a Christian rock band. If the rapture happens, they will likely not be around after tomorrow. The problem here is that they’re also the kind of guy that if I text them to see if they’re still around, they won’t respond because it’s an excellent joke. Thus, the rapture-resolution will still be unattained and yours truly left in the dark.
Mar 20 2011

one of ashley’s fantasies has now come true, no thanks to yours truly

The first time I saw the first Old-Spice-Guy commercial, Ashley wasn’t home. I don’t remember where she was, but I do remember thinking: ‘Holy crap! It’s like someone made a commercial just for her.’ That one especially, but most of that very successful ad campaign has been right out of Ashley’s head. If the world were made in her image, it would look and behave just like Old-Spice-Guy’s world.1

This morning I began to suspect that Ashley runs an ad agency while I sleep. Because now in addition to Ole O.S.G. ads, there are the two things in another commercial that I suspect Ashley always felt were missing from tv ads:

  • Hugh Jackman
  • The Safety Dance

 

It really is like someone out there is making her dreams come true, commercial-wise.

  1. Not sure if I, then, would end up looking like O.S.G. But I think I’d end up sounding like him.
Feb 15 2011

a day at the movies

I saw this over at Avitable’s blog. Like him, I’m not going to do a movie per day, but here’s my list.

Day #1: Favorite Movie – Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Day #2: Least Favorite Movie – The Notebook

Day #3: Favorite Comedy – Clerks 2

Day #4: Favorite Adventure – Star Wars

Day #5: Favorite Horror – The Exorcism of Emily Rose

Day #6: Favorite Suspense/Thriller – Casino Royale

Day #7: Favorite Animated Movie – Monsters, Inc.

Day #8: Favorite Guilty Pleasure – Mean Girls1

Day #9: A Movie You Never Expected to Love – The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

Day #10: Biggest Let-Down – Spider-Man

Day #11: First Movie You Saw In Theaters – The Lady and the Tramp

Day #12: The Last Movie You Saw In Theaters – RED

Day #13: Favorite Documentary – Overnight2

Day #14: Favorite Satire – Hudson Hawk

Day #15: A Movie with Your Favorite Actor – The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Day #16: Favorite Movie Based On a Book – Lord of the Rings

Day #17: Favorite Movie with an Actor You Hate – Walk the Line

Day #18: Movie You Can Watch On Loop – The Dark Knight

Day #19: Favorite Movie Based On an Historical Event – Quiz Show

Day #20: Favorite Movie Based On an Historical Figure – The Aviator

Day #21: Favorite Musical – Pink Floyd’s The Wall

Day #22: Most Over-Rated Movie – The Boondock Saints

Day #23: Most Under-Rated Movie – Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Day #24: Movie with Best Soundtrack – Braveheart

Day #25: Favorite Black and White Movie – Casablanca

Day #26: Cheesiest Horror Movie – Pieces

Day #27: Favorite Oscar-Winning Movie – The Shawshank Redemption

Day #28: Favorite Made-For-Television Movie – IT

Day #29: Favorite Movie Based On A Television Series – The Twilight Zone

Day #30: Favorite Re-Make – Ocean’s 11

Day #31: Favorite Sequel – The Empire Strikes Back

  1. I was really happy when Ashley bought a copy at Goodwill a few months ago. And that she bought it for her.
  2. A really great flick about what happened during the making of The Boondock Saints, how one man’s hubris brought everything down.
Jan 5 2011

the numbers

Ashley said, ‘We should play the Mega Millions!’

I said, ‘I don’t play the lottery.’

Ashley said, ‘But it’s 350 million dollars!’

And I said, ‘Yeah, but I don’t play the lottery.’

But if I did play the lottery, I thought, which numbers would I choose?

There’s really only one answer: 4. 8. 15. 16. 23. 42.(1)

That’s right. Hurley’s allegedly unlucky numbers, the ones responsible for landing him on the island in Lost.

Why would I bet them? Because Lost is awesome. What if they’re cursed? Bah. I hardly call crashing on a tropical island full of mystery, intrigue, Others and Elizabeth Mitchell a fell fate.

Hell-to-the-no.

Besides, I am not unlike Hurley in both girth and temperament. And frankly, the whole island experience turned out pretty well for the big dude. If I found myself running the island…well, it’d be only slightly less awesome than running the Death Star.(2)

But, I realized(3), there’s probably a lot of people who play those numbers. So even if I did win, it’d be split between the 9,078 people who played them, according to Damon Lindelof’s tweet.

And now here I am, wishing I’d listened to Ashley. Turns out that 4 of those numbers came up. Three, plus the Powerball. Not the cool $350 mil at stake, but I’d have won 150 clams. Not enough for a plane ticket from Sydney, but it would have been nice.

Oh well dude.

  1. Well, okay…maybe that’s six answers.
  2. I can almost hear nerd-heads imploding.
  3. That’s realised for my across-the-pond audience.
Mar 18 2010

a prefect visual representation of the rarely achieved triple-entendre

Score

1. As in – a musical score.

2. As in – to score points in a video game.

3. An in – to engage in sexual congress.

Oscar Wilde was a sissy. James Joyce was a namby-pamby. Pynchon-schmynchon. And fuckin’ Shakespeare never attained the level of wordplay found in this here paradigm of pop-culture awesomeness!